| Being in college is a chore. It takes a lot of work, | | | | on reading on your topic and finding bits and pieces |
| carefully planned over the course of a week, or a | | | | to put together. |
| month, or a quarter to make sure everything gets | | | | The thing here that most people don't realize is that |
| done with the full attention it deserves....are you | | | | the standard writing process isn't in effect for you. |
| laughing yet? No one puts in the time "required" to | | | | You're not drafting, or brainstorming. That's the stuff |
| properly complete their college work. No, rather it's a | | | | you should have done two weeks ago. No, you're |
| rush at the end every week or two to complete a | | | | writing your paper, so make sure you've got your |
| 10 page paper or learn 200 years of ancient Roman | | | | idea and just start writing and keep writing until you |
| history overnight. You all do it, I did it. It's probably a | | | | create a thesis somehow. |
| better training skill than all the random stuff you | | | | I usually start as broad as possible, and just start |
| "learn", because honestly in real life do you think you'll | | | | talking about something. If I'm writing about the Hero |
| have the time to sit and schedule everything that | | | | Quest of Pip in Great Expectations, I start by talking |
| pops into your life ahead of time. Yeah...thought not. | | | | about Greek Mythology and the origin of the classical |
| Anyways, for those of you just entering college | | | | hero. Working my way down, I'll talk about the |
| from the snore inducing boredom and ease of High | | | | modern hero, then about the alterations made in the |
| School, you're probably incredibly unprepared for the | | | | industrial age, and how Dickens rewrote archetypes |
| shear amount of work you'll have to pull out in the | | | | for his comedy, and finally start talking about Pip. By |
| last second. I'm not saying it's easy just because | | | | now you should have a general idea about what you |
| you'll procrastinate. No, it's still hard. You really should | | | | want to say. It might be general but you'll clarify in |
| take the time to do your work properly. You just | | | | your next few paragraphs, and then come back and |
| won't, and so you need to learn how to | | | | rewrite the first paragraph. |
| procrastinate. It's a fine art, in which I feel I've | | | | Paragraph one is almost always trash. Especially with |
| become something of a Renoir. | | | | this method, because your weary, angered professor |
| First off, make sure you've got all your books and | | | | after reading 30 of these lovely last minute essays |
| notes. If you don't go to class, which is entirely likely | | | | will put a big red X through anything that doesn't |
| for those of the procrastinating ilk, make sure you | | | | have to do with your paper, and those first few |
| get them from a classmate. Also, double check and | | | | grasping sentences are completely unrelated. |
| make sure your professor doesn't have a website. | | | | But now you can start stealing from the text. Snag a |
| They'll usually tell you, but more than once I've found | | | | quote and make a point. Snag another quote and |
| a class's notes sitting in an archive online, especially | | | | make another point. If your thesis ends up as |
| now that 90% of them put everything they teach | | | | something incredibly broad and useless like "Pip's |
| you into PowerPoint presentations and then just read | | | | quest from anonymity and worthlessness into a |
| it to you for an hour every day (yeah, lazy). It's | | | | position of wealth and power in London mirrors the |
| usually only an extra 30 seconds out of their day to | | | | classical hero quests, but works through Dickensian |
| put the stuff online, and then when they receive | | | | views of industrial England" you're still good. It sounds |
| twenty plus emails a week asking for the lecture | | | | intelligent and has a lot of promise. Now just find |
| notes, they only have to point you to the website. | | | | specific quotes and build a narrative. Start at the |
| Well, some are a bit more facetious about their pupils | | | | beginning of his change, talk about his childhood, then |
| not even bothering to come to class and don't | | | | go to when he changes, then compare to the Hero |
| openly offer said notes. However, for sick students | | | | quests of old, then show how they're different. |
| and whatnot, they'll put them online to save paper | | | | Almost any paper, if written quickly can boil down to |
| and all it takes is a couple of quick google searches | | | | something simple and incredibly easy to write, a |
| or an email to a sick student and you've got your | | | | compare and contrast paper. You choose a |
| notes. Or...just ask a classmate. But then you're | | | | prominent theme from the book you just "read". Find |
| relying on them actually paying attention. | | | | a source that mirrors or better yet foils this theme |
| You should have your books too. If you never | | | | and compare the two. Don't just list how they're |
| bothered buying them because you would just take | | | | different though. That's high school stuff right there. |
| notes or go to sparknotes, then you'd better go buy | | | | You'll want to write exactly how the outside source |
| them, because BSing your way through a paper is | | | | changes what you think of your book. It sounds hard |
| going to take at least some resources. You can't | | | | but jus think about it. You've got Great Expectations. |
| magically ascertain the information from just being | | | | It has a main character who goes on a kind of quest. |
| near smarter people. School would be much easier if | | | | Now you have a classic archetype of which there are |
| that were the case. | | | | hundreds of sources to draw on. You take a basic |
| So, sit down and start reading. Yup, you're going to | | | | outline of this archetype and apply it to Pip's quest |
| be reading a lot the night before your work is due. | | | | and how he fits it, and when he doesn't fit it. Now |
| But, this is better than doing all the assigned reading, | | | | you finish your paper by describing why he doesn't |
| because now you're searching for specific information. | | | | fit it sometimes. Which gets you back to the |
| Instead of general learning (which would only stick | | | | Dickensian views part. You've just pretty much |
| around and clutter up your brain later) you're doing | | | | written a paper that says, Pip's quest is classic but |
| targeted research. An eighth the time, and none of | | | | different because Dickens was writing about a |
| that pesky remembering it. You should have your | | | | different time in human history. Incredibly simple; |
| topic at least. If not, start surfing message boards | | | | you're not telling anyone anything new, but three |
| and snag one from someone smarter than you. Don't | | | | things will guarantee a good grade. |
| ever take their work though. The last thing you need | | | | 1. If you write well at all. You've got to be a halfway |
| is to get kicked out of school for plagiarism. It's lazy | | | | decent writer, which if you're in college I'll assume |
| and embarrassing. Steal concepts, but never words. | | | | you are. |
| And if you steal a concept from the middle of their | | | | 2. Professors love outside references. It shows |
| work, cite them. Your university will not take kindly | | | | initiative and research and makes it seem like you did |
| to cheating. You'll be so red taped and black listed, | | | | extra work (which you didn't). I've written papers |
| you might as well go and get an application at Jack in | | | | overnight without drafts and without ever reading |
| the Box, and trust me you don't want to work in | | | | them back to myself and received comments that I |
| fast food. | | | | must have spent hours working on it. Not quite. |
| You can't procrastinate now. You've done that for | | | | 3. Confidence in your assertions. Say everything with |
| three weeks, so I'm sorry (I know it hurts), but in | | | | absolute certainty, and back it up with a quote. Do |
| terms of actual physical writing time, you'll need at | | | | this enough and even if you're wrong, it'll seem like |
| least three hours to type your paper, which speaks | | | | you've made a decent point, which gets you brownie |
| nothing of writing it. And writing it involves finding | | | | points. |
| quotations and that ever so pesky chore of thinking. | | | | Writing a paper is a tumultuous task but it's also a |
| Sit down, grab an energy drink and a bag of chips, | | | | scalable task that can be made incredibly quick and |
| close your door and put some headphones on. No | | | | easy if you know how. My second to last quarter of |
| television, and put your phone on the charger. Now | | | | college, I wrote three papers in two days; two of |
| open up the word processor and just start typing. | | | | them 10 pages, and one 25 pages, and received a |
| You probably think you have writer's block. But, | | | | 3.8, and two 3.7s. It's a matter of confidence and |
| writer's block is completely unrelated to having | | | | above all else an unmitigated fearlessness to be |
| absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You're | | | | incredibly lazy. |
| stuck with the second one right now, so just keep | | | | |